So I was at a friend's big Superbowl party the other night. You know how I hate to drop names, so I won't say who was throwing it, but let's just call him "Diddy." So anyway, I'm just hanging out with Kelly, Michelle and Beyonce, when Jay comes up and he asks me "so what are you gonna do about your Troy Lords problem?"

What the hell? I mean, does this stuff have to follow me around everywhere? He had to be the tenth person who's asked me about it in the last month.  No matter where I go. From Pittsburgh to London. From Paris to Detroit. People keep bringing it up. 

"The Troy Lords Problem"

Look, I'll admit it, at A New Beginning, Troy Lords kicked me in the back of the head for no good reason. Yeah, he knocked me out for a moment there. Yeah, I never saw it coming. Yay! Two points for Troy Lords. I'm standing there minding my own business and he kicks me in the head. It takes a real big man to attack somebody from behind like that. He's lucky I'm all civilized these days. Back in the old neighborhood, he'd have been met by a couple pipe hittin' brothers on the way to his car that night. But see, I don't roll like that anymore. I'm a business man.

There's no point in getting mad about it, you see. There's no money in it. Like I told Shiima a couple weeks ago, and like I told HOVA on Sunday. Let's just let it get settled in the ring. Let's let people pay to see Troy Lords get dropped on his head. Shiima will break his skull and presto, the Super Indy tournament is now down one entrant, and who do you think will get that spot? That's business, baby!

Who is Troy Lords anyway? How long has he been bumming around the IWC? Four years? Five? And in that time, what has he accomplished? Nothing! He's been the perpetual second fiddle to the likes of Glenn Spectre, Eric Xtasy and JT Rodgers. And he gave up any semblance of a personality when he decided he didn't want to be gay anymore. At least those other bozos had the good sense to get the hell out of here when they weren't wanted anymore. Well, except Spectre, and he's hardly the poster boy for intelligence, now is he? Troy Lords is a non-issue! 

I have 27 models, 33 actors, and 98 wanna-be musicians under contract. I have investment deals in 213 different cities on this planet. I have 17 different women to buy Valentine’s Day presents for and I can't get my assistant to answer her cell phone. I have a meeting scheduled to start in New York for tomorrow, fifteen minutes after I'm supposed to be judging an audition in LA. And last I heard from my assistant, they overbooked first class on the flight. Why won't she answer her damn phone, anyway? I have 4 different child paternity cases pending, I'm under investigation for insider trading in Tokyo and for the past three days I've been dealing with a wicked hangnail. I've got 99, problems... Troy Lords ain't one.

-Mav