INTERNATIONAL WRESTLING CARTEL

INTERROGATION
SHIRLEY DOE

by Joe Dombrowski
IWC Color Commentator / Media Correspondent

Q: A few months ago, following your Texas Death Match, you announced your intentions to leave the wrestling world. What was your main motivation behind this and did you ever expect to return?

A: Most wrestlers make a big deal about their retirement. I don't see why, unless you've really accomplished something major. You can't retire from a hobby. But I felt like one phase of my life was over and I'd like to quit on top, as it were. My goal was to give everything to the fans, and to have one great feud that defined what I saw wrestling should be: not T and A, not glitz and glamour, but two people who totally hate one another doing everything they can to kill one another.

Accomplishing that, I was ready to leave and never come back.

Q: The night you attempted retirement, you didn't make it out of the door before a mysterious man attacked you and revealed himself to be Sebastian Dark. What was running through your mind when you first found out it was him?

A: No one has watched more wrestling than me. As I backed out that door, my first thought was, "What a great time for a cheap shot." I hoped that I could just leave and not look back, but that's a lie. Another part of me hoped someone would be waiting for just such an opportunity so I could never leave.

Was I surprised to see my past stare me back in the face? Or course. But a dark part of me laughed and was glad that this war would never end. Every match when I walk through the curtain, I say "Let's go to war." Because that's what this is. I go into each match fully aware that I may not survive. A life without the threat of death is no life at all.

Q: Where does this deep-rooted blood hatred for each other start? What originally spawned this intense detestation being displayed today?

A: You'd have to ask him. Maybe it's the fact that I went on to IWC and had some success. Maybe he feels I abandoned him. Maybe he is mad that I put a scar across his nose that disfigures him to this day. Who knows? It doesn't take me long to make me hate someone. I have motivation. Now I need a murder weapon.

Q: That attack was so gruesome it couldn't even be shown on television. Exactly how much damage did that attack do, as well as the subsequent attack that saw you get slammed onto two unfolded chairs?

A: When I was trying to leave the IWC, my last match with Super Hentai, in no certain medical terms, totally made my knee into so much feces. I couldn't stand for weeks. Watch me now, I'm a half-inch shorter on one side than the other from all the damage to my body.

You can't wrestle like we do and expect to live forever. The first attack by Dark kept me awake for weeks. The worst part of it was the psychological. I had to be helped from the ring and that's never happened before. I always walk out on my own power no matter what. That I can't live with.

The second was me thinking I was heeled. Never underestimate how much two metal chairs across your spine can hurt. I don't need an air bag. I don't need a seatbelt. I laugh at car crash victims.

Q: Tonight you face Sebastian Dark, but are you 100% or is it a situation of "more guts than brains"?

A: I realized something. The fans have more brains than I gave them credit or in the past. Many of them have written to me, e-mailed me, asked me to rid the IWC of Sebastian. I feel like I could be better than I am through them. Perhaps my redemption lies in his demise.

I'm never 100%. And I never have much brains, or I couldn't do what I do.

Q: The other match you two had in an IWC ring was thrown out when it quickly became too chaotic to control... can conventional rules contain you two?

A: No, it can't. But the bureaucracy of the IWC wants things to be politically correct. I'll humor them one more time, but rules are for those who can't save themselves. I represent vengeance, not the weakness of those who turn the other cheek.

Q: What should fans expect from your encounter tonight?

A: I'm only happy when I've destroyed everything in my path. Tonight, I'm faced with someone who is exactly like me, another monster. I may not be fully recovered yet. I may not be able to move as fast as him. But I promise you, I will do all I can to make you know that I love wrestling more than anything else and will give all I can to entertain and fight for you.

Q: Finally, is there any lengths you won't stoop to rid the IWC of Sebastian Dark?

A: You think you know pain, Dark? You known nothing. I am chaos in action, I am destruction absolute. I will end your world and laugh at the survivors. I am fully willing to murder myself to see you die. See you in the ring.