INTERNATIONAL WRESTLING CARTEL

INTERROGATION
ALEX SHELLEY

by Joe Dombrowski
IWC Color Commentator / Media Correspondent

Q: You have been involved in some huge shows in your career, but I'd wager none have been larger than tonight's event in Johnstown. Your thoughts on the show in general?

A: One, I don't care what you'd wager. B, this show seems rather lackluster to me. I mean, who are some of these guys? Mick Foley? Raven? Never heard of 'em. I guess it could be worse. We could be in Pittsbur... Oh, wait...

Q: Well be that as it may, let's focus on you specifically now, it seems in recent weeks you've undergone a transformation. Why are we seeing this more devious, conniving Alex Shelley?

A: Hmmm. Let me think. Maybe because I lost three times in a row to Jimmy Jacobs?!? See how that shoe fits, Sherlock. Losing is so uncool.

Q: Several weeks ago, you feigned a knee injury and fooled us all, as a cheap method of scoring your first pinfall victory in IWC. How can you be proud of something like that and do you have any regrets?

A: You know, you're right. I shouldn't be proud of fooling Super Hentai, the entire squadron of referees, and the fans. Looking back on it, I should've just wrestled a clean match and not cheated. Not once, nope. Except no, cheat to win.

Q: Recently we've seen you associating yourself with JT Rodgers and Troy Lords. Why would you want to align yourself with them?

A: Why wouldn't I? They don't like that little muppet Jacobs either. And they don't seem to have a problem beating up on that Japanese cartoon character, Super Hentai. And I know I don't like that big pink and black sod, Eric Xtasy. You know, with a name like Eric Xtasy, you'd think he'd be a pretty handsome guy who got lotsa chicks and stuff. You'd be wrong. So wrong.

Q: Tonight you're in an eight-man tag. How far will you go to attain victory?

A: What kind of a question is that? "As far as I have to," clearly. Is that what you wanted to hear? Fascist.

Q: Thank you for your time, any final words for the fans?

A: You're most welcome. And no. I hate the fans. Duh.